Human rights groups are claiming new airport scanners that show pictures of men's cocks and women's "boobs and that" are invading peoples privacy. It's political correctness gone mad!

These wonderful scanners, now in operation at Manchester Airport, allow "highly trained" security staff to sniff out terrorists, neer-do-wells and other reprobates. If I have to walk around showing my cock to all and sundry then that's a small price to pay for clearing the sky of explosions.

Of course you can't use it on kids because then the peados win, but if we don't use it on everyone else then the terrorists win. We must ensure, in this ill defined game we are apparently playing, that terrorists and paedos NEVER win - even if that means strip searching and anally probing every over-eighteen year old who comes within 500 yards of a plane. Unless they can afford business class.

If you've nothing to hide then you've nothing to fear. Unless you have got something to hide? Are you a terrorist? Or a paedo? Get your cock out then! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT!